I reviewed my profile image and considered the "me" it portrayed and the hidden. The profile image at I thought at first portrayed very little, it is after all just an edited image of my eye and the remaining element of my physical self remains unseen. The image is edited, experimentation with colours I did a number of years ago before the OCA. The colour of the edit also obscures my natural eye coloy. The image appears to portray nothing and yet it is the unseen the hidden aspect of self. I am deeply introverted not shy many people lump these two very different traits together. I am naturally comfortable hidden within my own world, I think and I look and listen. I am happiest on the edge of a room or a group of people and the closer I get towards the middle the more uncomfortable I become. Even this image hides the true colour of my eyes which is slightly different brown and blue (Central heterochromia) it is not that noticeable and of course eye color doesn't define anything apart maybe it is one thing I like about myself, maybe something slightly different. Maybe the eye is symbol of self or maybe it is the shape the circle that in the past has intrigued me - Carl Jung also described self has a circle http://www.britishpsychotherapyfoundation.org.uk/blog/some-jungian-terms-explained [accessed 22/01/2019]
I am slightly different in a sense that I am here in world full of extroverts out there and I am here inside. Of course a very simplified view of a complex subject i.e self and our relationship with self and others. Maybe the image of the eye is just a way of reveling aspects that are hidden, the eyes are the windows into the soul but in the same breath they are mirrors that reflect others and the world beyond.
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The most recent conflict of identity is also an ongoing issue and that is art the act of creating it in this case photography. Is it coz I is working class is a thread that I post with the OCA forum regarding this sense of conflict of not belonging an inbetween world.
"People like me don’t do degrees People like me certainly don’t do art degrees People like me aren’t expected to do well in any degree let alone art. Photography is like a dirty little secret, an embarrassment something I don’t really like talking about unless your my wife or a handful of people here" Alan Fletcher Oct '18 - Is It Coz I Is Working Class https://discuss.oca-student.com/t/is-it-coz-i-is-working-class/8390 [accessed 20/01/19] This only arises due to a conflict not just has an individual but also has a collective identity because we group and stereotype. We don't just do it to others, we do it to ourselves. Even if there is no seemly obvious logic behind the thinking. Working class don't do art, they don't go and see it let alone make it. This is a very broad sweeping statement one that probable isn't entirely true but never the less it still has a grain of it. Arty farty speak, projections of intellect and wealth verse the is "that's art? my 5 year year old could do better". I am more of a 6 lagers and a packet of crisp than champagne and canapes. But here I am stuck in the middle, of course I will never turn to the dark side I like lager and crisps too much. With this feeling of not belonging creates a discomfort, a place where I feel I am unable to talk or discuss what I do both within my normal social circle and this new circle because I am an outsider. I know this doesn't make sense because art is open to all and there are countless artists with working class backgrounds. |